Day 92

So, not have a computer sucks, because I can't update as much as I would like to. BUT, some pretty big events have been happening in my life. I'll write more about "The Foreigner" tomorrow, but for the big news...

I GOT MOTHERFUCKING CAST!

Yes, you heard, or read, me right. I, the girl who couldn't get cast at Tech a year ago has now been cast in not 1, but 2 shows! I've seriously have been mind fucked at this very moment.

I still think I'm going to wake up tomorrow and someone will call me and say they made a mistake. It doesn't seem real. I knew going in that I had very strong audition pieces, and after callbacks I felt fairly confident, but there were so many people who read well at all of the callbacks. Even after "Anton in Showbusiness" callbacks, I felt like I failed majorly and didn't have a shot. When I found out yesterday that I got 2 shows, I just started bawling. Like, flat out, snot out of the nose, ugly bawling. I was so overwhelmed. I've been so used to getting "No's" all last year, I prepared myself for the same thing this time around. I don't know how it happened, but things just worked out in my favor. I just can't get over how happy and blessed I feel. I don't think anyone will know. And I'm surprised by all the support I've gotten over the past two days. So many people have told me how proud they were and happy and how I deserved it. I don't think I "deserve" it perse. I've worked my ass off trying to improv over last year. I don't think I deserve anything, but I'm glad that the directors have noticed my improvements and given me a shot. But it's nice to have friends and even just aqaintences support me.

Now, the scary part starts. Actually going through rehearsals, technicals performances for two shows without a true break. I've done it before, but never with Tech. I'm hoping I can juggle that on top of everything else I have going on. But I'm more than willing to do it. I'm just glad they gave me this chance. I hope I can do both roles justice in the end.

Day 91

So....got cast in "The Foreigner"! Huzzah!

It's nice to be in a show again. And it was one of those auditions where you know you nailed it. And walking out when it was over, I just knew. Just that gut feeling. But I'm super excited! The part I got I probably would never get outside of the community theatre relmn. Technically it's an ingenue with attitude. I never get igenues. Like...ever, lol. So this will definitely be an interesting experience. We've already started rehearsals for a little over a week now, and they've been going very well. Everythings been going pretty smoothly and we're almost done blocking the whole show! Now the fun part can begin...actually building a character. I love to get blocking done as quickly as possible so I can learn my lines and then start from ground zero (not the NYC version however).

I've got one bitch of a monologue though. And I'm sitting THE ENTIRE TIME. Do you know how hard it is to talk and talk and talk just sitting there. I went through it the first time the other day, and I wanted to stab myself in the eye. I kept moving around in my chair and changing positions, while all the while, in my head I was screaming I WANT TO STAND UP DAMNIT! But, it doesn't make sense in the context of the scene, so I sit. Now, I've been given monologues of death before. What comes to mind...in "Cabin Fever" I had to give the "I'm talking to the audience like Andy Griffin to tell the meaning of the show" which about killed me. Then there was "We Won't Pay!" where I gave a humongo monologue about the backstory of what was going on. This is no new thing to me. But sitting...the whole time...gah, it's hard. I've started memorizing my other lines and skipping over that scene. I just have to tackle it. I'm so angsty about it because I'm afraid that it will be boring. I don't want my monologue to be the time everyone checks their phones. It's important to my character because she basically opens up for the first time to show she's not a complete bitch.

I dunno. It means a lot to me for this one. I want to really nail it. But, more updates as the show progresses. Tally ho!

Day 90

So, quite a bit has happened since my last update. Time to catch up!

Well, the show that I was so excited about "Boeing Boeing" had to be shut down. Officially, there was going to be a broadway-esq touring cast, so they wouldn't give us the rights to perform it. Unofficially, there were a lot of issues already. Since it's summer, it's hard to get people to commit and work around schedules since summer is our only free time to do anything. And we kept having to replace people and try and find people with about only 1/3 of the usual available people here. And there were more little things adding up to fight us, so it seemed like the theatre gods didn't want this show to go on. Which makes me sad because it was such a great experience, even with the little time we had to work together. The script was great and I really enjoyed the director and fellow actors. The director said he might try and produce it next summer, which I would love to do, but I'm not sure what my plans are yet.

So, I haven't been doing and theatre-y things all summer. It's been odd, especially compared to last summer where I just didn't stop lol. I've enjoyed the break. I've been watching a lot of movies lately, and it's nice to be able to just sit there and watch without some other motive. And while I would much rather be in rehearsals, getting to rest is sometimes nice too. Now I have the next few weeks, which will decide my Fall semester, at least to a certain extent. Tonight I have auditions for "The Foreigner" at the community theatre. I worked out the scheduling, and if I happen to get cast in the first two shows at Tech (which ain't gonna happen) I can do both, with some minor conflicts. Tech fall auditions are coming up at the end of the month, and I have a lot of mixed emotions. For one I am petrified, because going a whole year without getting cast kinda puts you on edge for some reason...who would have thought it, right? Secondly, I guess you can describe it as having the opposite effect of a huge ego. I've had so much rejection in the past year, I've gotten used to it, lol. But this is the first of my last two auditions at Tech. All the directors have seen what I've got to offer them. I've done as much as I can in the classroom and outside at other theatres to prove that I am a viable actor. Don't gt me wrong, I'm confident in my abilities, but I know so much goes into casting that I could give the best audition of my life and it doesn't mean shit. Doesn't mean I won't try, just means I won't die if I don't get anything.

Thirdly, I think, I'm excited. Very. I love auditions, as much as I hate them of course. I love the ignorance you get whenever you audition. Blissful ignorance. You think you can make it, that you can be any part, and that you'll get cast in everything! Not to that crazy extent, but you are on top of the world until that cast list comes out. I love that feeling. And no matter how hard you try, you can't force it to go away. You try to go in with low expectations because it means you fall less when you don't get it. I've tried, many a time, but I can't help it. Even when I know I won't get it, I still have hope. Damn the optimist in me.

So, the season of auditions has approached us! I've got one last shot before I move away. I'm going to try and make the most of it. And if I don't get cast in anything, I'll write my own one-woman show and perform it in the free speech area. Suck on that!

Day 89

So, while this blog may not be a blog a day for 365 days straight anymore, I plan on making it through the end of my senior year at Tech. Hopefully that will work out to be 365 days. It would be cool if it did.

So, starting rehearsals for the show. It's been a lot of fun thus far. Th thing I love about farces that, with the right director, you get the chance just to play onstage. I love experimenting with comedy and what a character might do in certain situations. It keeps you on your toes when you go through it because you might have an idea for a certain moment, but when you actually get in it and react to the different characters and their actions, it could change completely. It's a really nice rush. I always say that I'm not amazing at improv, but when it comes to improv in a scene, I love doing it.

But, in a kind of sick way, I love the moments that fail. I really can't explain why I like it, but I think it's just as awesome as the moments that hit. When I fail, I fail big, or at least try to. And I guess those moments make you appreciate when something actually does work. And it gives me a sense of what is funny and what isn't. You can't get it right all the time, so it's always a learning process.

Day 88

So, Summer Rep has come and gone...again, lol. I'm officially done, and I thought that I would get to take a small but much needed theatre break until the beginning of the school year.

I should have known that it would never happen.

I was asked to be in another show. An actress had to drop out, so I am being put in her place. It's a farce. Check. Directed by a grad student with a good reputation. Check. Also in the cast are fellow Techians who are extremely talented. Check! So, needless to say it took me two seconds to say yes. I was flattered that he thought of me. I guess I'm getting my name out there, slowly but surely. The only bad thing about it is that the performance space is about 3o minutes out of town, but hey, if I get the chance to be a good character in another show, I'll deal with it!

So, I have been anxiously awaiting my first rehearsal. I thought I might be drained from summer rep, but really, knowing i'm about to do another show has given me a boost of energy. It gives me the umph to go through my math class or the grind of finding a job. It's like my little treat to myself at the end of the day.

I'm very excited about the experience. I'm going in with high expectations, so here's hoping it goes well!

Day 87

Frustration. It happens a lot in this field, for one reason or another. And I find that I have been feeling this way for a good while now. Not just for one specific reason, but for a lot of little reasons that are piling up and making me want to pull my ears off. Acting, and the theatre world in general, is a frustrating thing. It's such a detailed and extensive process to go through. The amount of time that goes into everything would astound even the more well-rounded of men. We rehearse, we build the set, we memorize lines, we work on physicality, we help with lights, we sew the costumes, we pull props, we go through technicals and dress rehearsals and sneak peaks and finally a week worth of performances for an audience. The process of putting a show together is long and tedious. Sometimes it works out for the best, and sometimes it's a miserable failure.

Right now, I feel like I need to take a break from it all. Nothing immensely long, but just some time to myself where I don't have to think about it. I'm worried I'm getting strung out on it. And these past few weeks haven't helped a lot either. This Summer Rep has been wearing down on me. The people have been great, but the show (singular) has been tearing me apart. I'm downright frustrated with it. I feel like it's the same song, different verse as last year, but the part isn't worth all this frustration. It's hard having no help and trying to make a one-dimensional character into something worthwhile. Experiences like this make me want to just quit. But I won't. I never will, as much as I say that I want to. But it's still frustrating.

Day 86

Last LUTAF one-acts update!

Finally: Missionary in the Dark!

I had the great privilege of acting in a lot of the one-acts we performed that weekend. But, what originally got me involved in the whole thing was being asked to direct one of the shows, which was a farce called "Missionary in the Dark." I heard farce and was automatically drawn in. I love directing scenes/shows that I would love to be in, and I adore farces, so before I even read the script I knew I was going to do it. Thankfully, the script was hilarious and I didn't have to worry about having to say no. Thus began my work as a first-time director.

Now, I say first-time director, but that's really partially true. I directed a cut-down version of "Greater Tuna" my junior year of high school for a night of one-acts, and I have also done two directing scenes for class. So, I have had experience directing, but this is my first big girl show. I had to direct a one-act, with props, costumes, and a set, all by myself. It was a little daunting to think about at first, but I felt confidant that I had had enough training to accomplish what I wanted to. I wish I would have written blogs during the process, because I find it very interesting. I'm still working on finding my voice as a director, and trying to differentiate my actor mentality from my director mentality. I don't think it's bad to be aware of both, but since I'm still new to the whole directing thing, I would rather have that side in the majority for most of the time.

It's funny when you are trained as an actor but are thrown into the director's chair. You notice a whole new side to acting and actors in general. It's a very scary process because you put your two cents in and drive how the show looks, but most of the work has to come from the actors. You have to have a lot of trust in who you cast. Casting is also a new process I'm trying to get used to. Thankfully, with the directing experience I've had, I haven't had a problem finding the perfect people for what I'm working on. Being on the other side of casting also gives me perspective about the whole audition process. There were some actors who had great monologues or who were funny as hell when they were reading for a certain part, but I couldn't cast them because they didn't have the look what I was going for. It gives me a little silver lining thinking that (hopefully) that's happened in my situation when I don't get cast in a show.

Directing was a fun experience, but also stressful as hell. I remember I had to give my actors a week off because of Curtains technicals, and our first rehearsals back was a downer. They weren't offbook completely, they kept forgetting blocking, and they would break character during the run. Not only that, it was the night before we were starting technicals in the space. I remember sitting there and thinking "Oh dear Lord, there's nothing that I can do!" I had to give them a speech to pep them up and hopefully inspire them to get their shit together. Thankfully, it all came together.

There is no explaining the feeling you get when you watch your show go up in front of an audience, and the audience loves it. The best way to describe it is if the show was your baby walking for the first time. I was so proud of my actors, and the show as a whole. I was also proud of myself for being able to accomplish what I had hoped for, and then some. I know directing will be in my future (probably sooner than I would like), but I know I will enjoy it as well. I will always be an actor at heart, but directing has it's fun qualities too.

Day 85

Back to the grind of LUTAF updates.

Next up: Constellation Minuet!

This was the one show I was involved with that I was the most skeptical about in the very beginning stages. It was one of the two dramas involved in the whole one-acts, and all I knew about it was that it involved a balloon. I also knew that it was written by the same playwright who wrote a show I was in back in the day of my first RROAPS, so I was curious to see how it would turn out. Little did I know how great of an experience it would be.

The show consists of two female characters, one a little girl and the other an older woman. The first 2/3rds of the show is just monologues given by the characters. The little girl is beaten by someone, and is fighting to stay optimistic about the world around her. She finds a friend in a red balloon floating on the beach. She tells the balloon her wishes and desires about life and who she hopes to become. Then there is the older woman, who is beaten by what life has given to her. She was just dumped by the love of her life, and the rest of it is crashing down around her. She tries to go back to when she was ignorant and happy, which is brought on by seeing the balloon again after a long absence. She can't get over everything that has happened, so she attempts to destroy that one constant in her life (the balloon) until she runs into the little girl. At the end of the play, they both find a sort of acceptance with the life they have, and possibly a new hope for what things could be.

That's one crazy show! It took a good while for me to fully grasp everything that is going on during the show and with my character, the older woman. There are so many layers to the role, and everything she says has a double meaning. It definitely was one of the more challenging roles that I have had to date. Trying to materialize some of the images and feelings that I felt was an uphill battle. But thankfully, our director was perfect for this show. He knew what questions to ask and what to analyze deeper in the script. It's such a watercolor show, and it could have gone sour and Lifetime movie of the week, but I think me and my other actress did it justice.

One aspect of the show that is interesting, or at least I found interesting, is that I am so similar to the Woman, it's scary. Not really at the moment that I was portraying her, but there was one moment in my life, fairly recently, where I was at that exact place. I was happily ignorant in my life, and then my world was shattered with a breakup. After that, everything seemed to be falling apart. I was in a such a dark place, but thankfully I got out of it. For the role, I had to go back to that time and sort of open a lot of scars that had healed (if not completely). It was a strange myriad of emotions, and it wasn't a fun time going through everything at the very beginning. I had to learn how to harness certain emotions and when to use it and when not to. I finally got control, thankfully, in time for the performances. I think it turned out very well. I'm always saying how grateful I am when I get a chance to do a dramatic role, because a lot of people want to pigeon-hole me into comedy. While I like both, it feels good to show people Hey! I can do this too!

Day 84

I'm taking a break from the updates and writing about the opening night of the show I'm currently working on.

The BFG!

This is my first children show to be involved in. I've did shows for children actors, but never one that was tailored specifically for a children audience. I never realized how much work it entails. I don't play a huge role in the show, but I only have about a 2 minute break between two scenes at the beginning, and (minus intermission) I'm constantly onstage or running to change costumes. It's such a short show, so you don't get much rest time inbetween scenes before you have to end up back onstage. And the time you are onstage, you are at about 110% energy. I'm not saying that you don't have that energy during a regular show, but for a children show it's almost a different kind of energy. You have to be constantly moving around, interacting with the audience, and doing funny things with your voice to keep the kids entertained. I don't think I've ever been so tired after a show, and it's only an hour and 15 minutes! Geez

But, I've loved working on this show so much. I've written before how I love going over the top with acting, the bigger the characters the better. I actually got a note for my maid character to go bigger, which is awesome! It's very close to a caricature, but not quite. I don't count it as that because it's the world of a children's show, so everyone has big movements and acting. I feel like it's almost vaudeville because each character has their own shtick.

We've got one show down, like 123232 more to go. Not really, but the first audience really seemed to enjoy it, so hopefully the rest will go as well.

Day 83

LUTAF part deux!

Show: Stageplay

When we first had auditions for LUTAF, this was the one show I was hoping to be in. I read it in its first draft and watched as it developed into the final product. Which I guess it helps that the playwright was my roommate at the time. But I was worried because there are only two characters and we had quite a few people audition. And not only was it based on acting style, but also who you partnered well with. So, I was ecstatic that I was cast and able to work on such a fun and different project.

The show was basically an homage to Beckett's "Waiting for Godot". There were two "actors" sitting onstage who thought that they were watching a play, which was the audience. It was very philosophical, dealing with what makes theatre what it is, what qualifies as good theatre, and the whole idea of these two characters living in their world, which in the end turns out to be an imaginary play. I loved the fact that I had the chance to just sit and stare into the faces of the audience. It broke the 4th wall to the extreme, and I got a lot of different reactions from them. Some people would look away and feel super uncomfortable, others would break out into a smile and just laugh, and then there were a few who wouldn't react. They just sat and stared right back at you. Those audience members were probably my favorite because I got to stare them down and really look deep inside them. People always say that the eyes are the gates to the soul, and I felt that during the show. You can tell what sort of mood a person is in just by staring at them. And it's such a deep and personal moment, I appreciated that some people were willing to be connected to me like that. It was nice.

And it was also a lot of fun being the straight man in a comedy. I've always done comedies as crazy characters, and not necessarily "trying", but aiming to get the audience to laugh by doing kooky shit. But for this show, the characters were so invested in their lives and the world they lived in, they took everything seriously. It was extremely deadpan and serious, and I've never got to be in a comedy like that. I quite enjoyed it. Sometimes things are 10x more funny when you say it with a straight face. And the writing really shines through when you don't have to pull out your bag of tricks to get a laugh. It's just you, the script, and the audience. Pure comedy.

Finally, my favorite part of the show was the ending. It ends with the two characters realizing that they are the play, finding the script, and realizing the show is about to end in a blackout, with them disappearing, and in a sense "dying". It's such a dark but poignant end, saying a lot about death, and really how characters in a play pretty much "die" when the lights fade out and the curtain closes. When the playwright was writing a final draft, he took out the ending and put in a new one. I, along with the director, had a major freak out! We told him it was the best part of the show and to stick with his initial instinct about it. It was a really great acting moment too, going from explaining what happens at the end of a play, realizing that means the characters are going to disappear forever, trying to console the other character, and watching as the lights fade out and pretty much accepting death. It was such a powerful moment, and a great way to end the show. Very Beckett-esq.

Day 82

Update even more: LUTAF!

So, when looking back at my previous posts, I realized that I haven't even talked about LUTAF, which has been one of the biggest theatre things to happen to me this year. I have one post about a friend of mine coming up with the idea, but nothing more developing it. And my, oh my, has it developed.

It kind of grew into this huge thing. When this friend talked to me about this idea for a theatre group that he had, I was all on board. It grew and grew and more and more people were interested in it. Finally, it was decided that we would do a night of original one-act plays ala RROAPS. Thus, Lubbock Underground Theatre and Film was born.

I was involved in 4 of the 5 shows that were put up in production for the night of one-acts,. I figure I can dedicate a blog post to each one. So, in no particular order (yes it is actually, in the order of the plays during the show) here it goes.

First off: "Last Spot in Heaven"

This was the show in which I had the smallest role in, but I probably had the most fun with. It was a game show for the last spot in heaven, and I played one of the contestants trying to win it. Sounds simple enough. But one of the aspects of the show that I loved was that me, and the other two contestants, were placed in the audience at the beginning of the show. Everyone in the audience was given a number, and St. Peter drew numbers for the contestants. So, for 15 minutes before the show even started, we had to be in character and able to improv. I had a blast being the goody two-shoes and messing with people. Some of my favorite moments were when people I knew that were in the audience would mess with me. This one couple kept asking me question after question and messing with me to the max. It kept me on my toes and I got to work on not breaking character. I loved it.

The show itself was fun. I was only involved in the first couple of scenes, but I had a ball doing it. And I got to wear a t-shirt that said "Jan's the Man", who wouldn't love that?

Day 81

You may have realized, this is not Day 81. It's probably more likely day 100 and something. I feel terrible that this kind of died. After I came back from NYC, life got superdeduper hectic. This is one of the things that I had to stop for a while in order to have enough time for everything. I'm sorry that I had to abandon it.

BUT, I am back. It is summer, and while I am busy still, I have a lot more free time to catch up. And funny enough, I've had random people come up to me and ask me about this. Random people. But it's awesome. If they can find things I say funny or relatable, that's pretty cool. So, I'll go back in my life to what happened between NYC and now. I won't do all of it now, but just a small piece at a time.

First off: RROAPS!

After Spring Break, we had our performances for RROAPS. It was crazy because we jumped right into it after the break. I actually enjoyed having the break, not just because of NYC, but because coming back after not thinking about it gives you some clarity on your character. You are constantly in rehearsals, and after a while things feel sort of stale after repeating it over and over. Coming back gave me a new jolt that I needed.

I am so proud of the show that we put on. I can't tell you how many people came up to me and told me the show was their favorite in RROAPS. I knew having the best director, best play/playwright, and best cast would pay off. The audience loved it every night. My favorite audience reaction was when there was a little girl in the audience. I didn't realize this until the end of the first scene when I'm in my bra and stabbing Baxter to death. There's a blackout and you hear "HAHAHA, that was funny!" I about died going backstage to change. It's moments like that make me love comedy. I have also gotten to the point where I can recognize certain people's laughs. I know I have one of those laughs because I laugh at everything. But recognizing the laugh during the show just fuels me.

My acting class talked about all the shows for a bit, and when they got on ours they had nothing but good things to say. What some of the students said, and even what the playwright told me, was that I was so comfortable in my skin. Which is weird, because I'm the total opposite in real life. But for some reason when I'm onstage I just lose all my inhibitions. I know I don't look like a model, but if I have a role like that, by God i will believe that I am 6'2'' and gorgeous. Maybe it's the sense that I'm not myself and I can be whatever I am not. Onstage I can be beautiful, successful, and happy without a second thought. it's one of the reason that I love the stage.

And it's funny when we were taking pictures for the show, I just took my shirt off and was just walking around. People were surprised that I was so comfortable taking my clothes off. I did worse in Phallus Pan, and I won't get into the whole nudity onstage thing now, but I'm all for it, lol.

This year's experience with RROAPS totally trumps last year's (and it makes up for it). It's totally a crap shoot when working with one-acts. This year it just seemed to work out. Hopefully next year will be as successful.

Day 73-80

So, since I was busy and didn't have internet and couldn't post my video blogs and some of them didn't upload correctly *breath* I'm doing one huge post for my New York trip and am going to focus on the shows that I got to see.

Upright Citizens Brigade
Our first night in NYC we thought we might have time to see a show, but we didn't get to our hostel until it was too late. So we kinda walked around the neighborhood we were staying in and found out that the best improv troupe in NYC was only a few blocks away AND they were having a free show. So, we decided to wait in line and see if we could get in to see it. The place was packed, we had to sit on the floor next to the stage because it was so full. The show was fucking hysterical. It was hosted by this one dude and Horatio Sans from SNL. Horatio wasn't actually that good, most of the no-name people were better than him. But the show was great. We also got to see Jason Sudekis from SNL and other random movies plus that squirrly blonde assistant from 30 Rock. One aspect about the show that I admired was how effortless they made it. You could tell they were having fun and that they were meant to be doing imrpov. The ideas just flowed out of them and they all rolled with the punches. Improv is something I admire because I'm not good at it at all. If I was involved with it more I could probably get better, but I just don't have a quick enough mind to do it.

Next to Normal
This was our first Broadway show we got to see, and the one we were most excited about seeing. I was a little bummed because Alice Ripley was on vacation so we didn't get to see her, but everyone else from the original cast was still there, so that was awesome. And her understudy actually was amazing. The set was three stories of just metal poles and facing. They had this flat type deal for the 2nd story that had an image of the top of the house with eyes on it that went in and out and sideways and everywhere. The show itself was...wow. Let me start off by saying that I never cry at theatre. I think I may have cried once or twice at"The Boys Next Door", but other than that I don't cry at theatre. But for this show, the tears would not stop flowing. I cried at the end of Act I, and pretty much 2/3 of Act II. The story is just so sad and touching, with Diana dealing with her mental illness. Along with that storyline, you have the daughter doing drugs and trying to deal with her fucked up family and the stress of school. It was just such a beautifully touching show. And all the performers were fantastic. They had beautiful voices and their acting was great too. I'll probably being saying that about most of the shows because it's true. And at this level of theatre, it should be true. It's the big leagues, and all of the shows reflected that. This show was definitely the best one we saw all week.

A Little Night Music
I was super stoked to see this show for two reasons: to possibly see Angela Lansbury's last performance on Broadway and to see a legit performance of a Sondheim show. I wasn't disappointed. Everything was top-notch and beautiful. I absolutely adored the music. I've decided that I am a Sondheim fanatic. His music is just beautiful. And all the performances were fantastic. Angela Lansbury is just a god onstage. She has the presence, the voice, the comedic timing...I just worship the ground she walks on. Catherine Zeta Jones played the main female lead, and she was actually really great! When she walks onstage, she just exudes glamor. I can't explain it really. She is so beautiful and elegant and it's something you just can't act. I also was excited to see Leigh Ann Larkin as the part I would love to play: Petra. She is great in the revival of Gyspy with Patti Lupone, and she was great in this too. Her voice is so damn beautiful. I was surprised by the show because it had a happy ending. I don't remember any of Sondheim's other shows having a happy ending, so I was pleasantly surprised. It's nice sometimes for the guy to get the girl. And just this week I downloaded the CD, and I just smile every time I listen to it. To think that I saw these performances live and recreating the scenes in my head is a wonderful experience. And this show reaffirms my love for Sondheim.

Hair
I've always wanted to see a production of Hair every since I watched the movie. I didn't realize how different the two were. Hair the play is very deconstructed and doesn't have a major story line. I was a little worried at first, but my worries disappeared when we started watching the show. It's such an interactive show, which I love. I love breaking the 4th wall and bringing the audience into the show. The actors would come in and out of the audience, touching them and singing directly to them. The feel you get from this show is unlike any other. You just feel that they understand the foundation of what this show is about. And watching them, you want to just let your hair down and become a hippie too. This was probably the top show out of all the ones we saw that I wanted to be in more than anything. I'm not much of a singer, but I think I could be a part of the show. And it's so fun to watch, and it seems like they're having a ball doing it. One of the neat things about the show is after curtain call they having a "dance party" and let anyone in the audience who wants to come on the stage and dance. So of course me and Chasen ran up there and started dancing and we got to sing "Let the Sunshine In". It now ranks up there and one of the coolest moments of my life. We got to dance with the cast and be on a Broadway stage. Awesometown.

The Adams Family
This was the only show that I went in knowing nothing about. It's a brand new show that just transferred from Chicago starring Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth. I really only wanted to go to see Nathan Lane live, and he did not disappoint. Nathan Lane is a peculiar type of actor. He has this kind of shtick that he does for every role, but he molds it to fit the character he is playing. I was worried that his Gomez would be too goofy, but he found a perfect amount of goofiness to the suaveness that Gomez should have. I'm so glad I got to see him live though. He has a great voice and was making me cry from laughing so hard. Everybody in the cast was really great too. They had fantastic voices and embodied the characters so well. The technical aspect of this show was phenomenal, definitely the best of all the shows we saw. They had the family house that was designed off of the cartoon, but it would fold and unfold and transform into so many different places. And they did some puppetry work that made Uncle Fester look like he was flying and totally believable. It was insane. The show itself was a little eh. The storyline and songs were just kind of mediocre. The actors did everything they could to make it work, but it couldn't hide the fact that the show was just ok. Their performances made it more enjoyable, but it probably would have been worse with other actors.


Rock of Ages
I'm not gonna lie, I was a little hesitant about seeing this show. I had read a lot about it and how it was gritty and rowdy and not what typical Broadway people like. Well, I consider myself a typical Broadway lover, so I wasn't so sure how I would like the show. I loved it! It was cheesy and campy but it didn't pretend it wasn't. The show knew what it was and went with it. It was a lot of fun to watch and see how they made 80's songs fit with the show. One actor in particular stood out for me. He played a narrator type character that was also in the show. He was so outrageous and funny and had soooooo much energy, it was crazy! I met him at the stage door, and he was quite and calm as could be. It just goes to show you how some people can truly transform onstage. They also gave us these little lighters that had a light in it that you could press and it would light up like a lighter. It was fun to actually be involved and show the actors they were doing good and wave your lighter. One thing about this show that was neat was that they incorporated their "orchestra" into the show. It was really a guitarist, bassist, and drummer, but they would let them come downstage and rock out and they got to be actually characters in the show. I thought that was neat. Overall, fun show, cheesy, but extremely entertaining.

God of Carnage
This was the only play we got to see, but I am extremely glad we did. It was hysterical. It was also filled with Hollywood and Broadway stars galore. Jeff Daniels is just an incredible actor. He can embody every role he's in and just transform himself. Lucy Lui was also in the cast, but she didn't fair out so well. While watching it, I didn't really like her acting. But as I've had time to process it, I think it fit with the character she was playing. She needs to learn to project, though. The other two I can't remember the names, but they were fantastic as well. The woman who played Jeff Daniel's wife was phenomenal. She had such stage presence and comedic timing that was uncanny. I would pay big bucks to see her act again.

So, thus was my trip. It was the best vacation I've ever had, and something that was on my bucket list. I will definitely be planning a trip like this again. Maybe for honeymoon type deal. But I saw a load of good theatre that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Day 72

Day 71

Huzzah! I hope Zac appreciates that I am finally caught up. And Eric too. And the occasional Kyle. :)

So, it's the Friday of Spring Break. I'm getting ready for my trip to New York City, with my trusted companion Chasen. I'm so stoked, you can't even imagine. I'm also excited to see "The Complete History of America: Abridged" at LCT tonight!

I'm going to try something new for this week. Instead of having to sit down and type out my blogs, I'm going to record video blogs and post them on here. I figure that will be easier for me to keep up with, and it'll be cool to see me in NYC! So, look for those this upcoming week. And who knows, it might catch on and be a semi-regular thing.

But, I shall say goodbye for the week, typing wise. And let the Broadway theatre week commence!

Day 70

So, I had to read "Mother Courage and her Children" for my theatre history class. Crazy, right? For those who haven't read my blog, I wrote an entry about watching a documentary about Bretch and a production of this with Meryl Streep. So, needless to say, I was super excited about reading the play. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's very stylized, so it was sort of hard to connect to. I think it helped that I saw the documentary, because I could see some of the scenes from the documentary as I was reading. It's hard to imagine Mother Courage differently than how Meryl Streep played it. I see her as so rough and tough, and I get the feeling that the original Mother Courage was a little softer.

I would really love to be in this show. I'm interested how Bretch directed his actors to act in the original production. It's not really realism, but it's not all presentational either. I guess it's in between? I would love to learn a different style of acting through being in this show. I also have added another role to my wish list. I want to play Mother Courage. I know it'll be years and years before I ever get the chance to, but I hope I do. It would be a fantastic part :)

Day 69

I found this videos and they are hilarious. I'm posting them because they still have to do with theatre....kind of. And they are hilarious.



and this

Day 68

I was in a directing scene for a friend of mine today. It was sort of last minute. We only rehearsed all the way through a handful of times, so I was a little nervous to say the least. It was a scene from "Baltimore Waltz". I haven't read the play. I wikipedia-ed it to know the general gist of the story, and it was pretty interesting. Although one of the things that was said was that it gained popularity during the late 80's when the AIDS scare was growing. A critic said that the play has lost some of is umph now because AIDS really isn't a death sentence anymore. But anyways...

The character I played was a Doctor who couldn't give a shit about anything anymore. It was fun because it is a serious scene, but I was sort of the comedic relief. I had to spout out these ridiculous sentences with medical mumbo jumbo that made absolutely no sense. It was a bitch to memorize, and even during the performance I couldn't get it. But, thankfully, since the audience, or other characters, aren't supposed to understand what I'm saying, I could make up words and no one would know the wiser. It was also interesting to play this character because it's the first time I've played a character that just didn't care about anyone else. There's a loss of humanity within her, and it was weird having to go in that direction. The little me inside me kept wanting to be more sympathetic towards the other characters, but I couldn't. It was a weird thing.

The scene went very well. I didn't get to stay for the critique, and I wish I could have heard what the other students thought about it. I enjoyed it. I like doing directing scenes because you can always learn something from it and grow as an actor.

Day 67

I miss the modular theatre at ASU. I started thinking about it today, and how awesomely cool that space was. It was the main theatre at the college I went to my freshman year. It's basically a giant room made up entirely of black boxes. The walls are boxes, the floor is boxes, just 4'by4' boxes. And you can arrange it however you want. You want a normal stage on one side, audience on the other? They can do it. You want to create theatre in the round and put the stage in the middle with the audience surrounding? They can do it. You want to create 4 different stages in the corners with the audience situated accordingly? They can do it. It's one of the most versatile spaces you can have, and it allows for so much creativity for a scenic designer.

I wish we could have different scene designs here. I know that we are limited with the spaces we have, but I wish we could do a show and change up everything that is in typical theatre. Like, put the audience onstage and the actors in the audience. I don't know how or with what show, but I'm getting a little tired of the typical theatre setting. I love it when things are different or odd because it wakes you up as a theatre goer. You become more aware of....everything!

Day 66

I forgot to tell about my other epic win in musical stage dance last week!

So, as I talked about before, we had our mock dance audition to a West Side Story song, and I did fairly well. On Thursday we had a mock singing auditioning. We could use a song they picked out or bring our own. I wanted to try and find another song to use, but last week was crazy so I didn't have enough time to look. I used "Learn Your Lessons Well" from Godspell. I was a little nervous because, while I love Godspell, I only knew the songs on the movie soundtrack. This song was in the Broadway show but cut out of the movie. So I learned it pretty quickly. It wasn't anything impossible, not really a singer's song, but that's fine with me. While I can carry a tune, I'm not a quote, unquote singer.

So we get there and have to wait in the hall while we go in one-by-one like a normal audition. I went in and sang my song. I forgot the words at one part, but got over it pretty quick. It wasn't my best, but I wasn't too worried about it. Then they brought us all back in and picked out a few people to sing their songs for the class. Surprisingly, I was one of the people who got called to perform. I was shocked. I didn't do all that well and I'm not a singer. So I went up and performed, thankfully a lot better than I did before. Then our instructor and singing assistant talked about why they called me back.

One of the things that the assistant said was that while I am not the best singer, this song showed off the good parts of my voice and gave me a chance to act. I know the assistant personally, and we've talked about how I'm not a singer at all. But one thing he said about me, and I took it as a great compliment, was that I know what songs to sing and what characters I will play. I'm never going to be the young ingenue/romantic lead in a musical. EVER. So it would be foolish of me to pick a song that was in that style. I know what roles I can play, and I'm pretty good at picking songs that show that off. I think a lot of people still have that problem. Because they don't have a lot of experience, they don't know what roles they are being looked at and what roles are out of their range. Now, by no means am I encouraging this type of pigeon-holing, but let's face it, we have to realize what are strengths and weaknesses are. Sadly, I've learned the hard way, but once you realize it, it becomes a lot easier to deal with audtions, because no matter how hard I try, I will never be Cinderella, or Millie, or Christine.

But by God I will be Miss Hanigan! lol

Day 65

I just saw an amazing piece of theatre. And I want to jizz in my pants.

Well, maybe not the jizzing part, but I did see some fantastic theatre! Tech's production of "Rabbit Hole" was one of the best shows I've seen them do since "Goodnight Desdemona, Good Morning Juliet". It was wonderful. It's the first time in a long time that I've actually got to sit and enjoy a show without critiquing the hell out of it. Mind you, there were some little things that irked me, but it was overall grand.

I was worried going into the show because I've done a scene from it and have read the entire thing. I already had some preconceived notions about the play and how I think the characters are. But it was nice to see that translate onto the stage with the actors' interpretation of each character. They seemed to be real characters up there. I think that's what I loved most about the show. It was almost like we were just peeking in on an actual family. They seemed real and genuine and didn't go towards the Lifetime movie of the week route. And I adored what the director did with some parts of the script. With a lot of the fights he overlapped the lines to make it sound like an actual fight. It's not like that in most of the script, so I applaud that directorial choice. I think it worked marvolously!

Seeing theatre like that just rejuvenates me. Whenever I see good theatre, it helps inspire me with what I'm working on at the time. I sometimes get a little tired with the routine of rehearsals, so to get that little jump, that spark....it always helps. It makes me want to be just as good as them. I can only hope.

Day 64

It's a sad day today for me. It's the last event of The Limelight Theatre before they shut down. Limelight has a special place in my heart because of so many things.

First off, it was an amazing place artistically. I could go there and pretty much do anything I wanted to, within the life of the play of course. There was no censoring myself or worrying about what the audience would think. I had complete creative freedom, which is something you don't normally get. I had the chance to be in an amazing show where I could be and do anything. I got to sword fight with didlos, be in an orgy with guys and girls alike, strip down to my skivvies onstage, and rape a guy on a coffin. Where else would I get the chance to do all that in one show??? I got to work with a brilliant playwright and amazing director who would call me out on my shit and make me work for the role. I couldn't get by with my bag of tricks. I had to work hard and develop a character to the very core. There were other shows as well that were super fun to be in. I was looking forward to continuing on with the theatre until I graduated, but sadly it will be no more.

Secondly, Limelight has been a personal savior in my life. Thank god, it was there at the right time, when I went through hell and depression. I almost drowned. It brought me back to the surface, (and sorry to get all metaphorical and mushy here) but it truly was almost like a baptism. I came back to the surface a different person. Through meeting new people and hanging out with them, I changed so much over the course of 3 months. Limelight and the people involved with it helped with all that. I don't regret anything I've done because I've learned, so much, from it all.

The Limelight Theatre, even with all the bullshit dealing with its demise, will still be one of the best memories in my mind. I love that theatre so much and all that it's done for me. Thank you Limelight Theatre. Thank you.

Day 63

Ah man. I just had one of those really really awesome rehearsals! Just one of those fun rehearsals where I really got to play around and make bold choices. I'm the type of actor that is willing to fall on my ass during a rehearsal trying new bits out. Usually my gut instinct is the best one, and the first to come out, but it's always fun to experiment with what's going on. That's probably why my favorite improv game to play with a show is "New Choice" when you say or do something and the director tells you new choice and you have to come up with something else. It's really fun, especially when you get to do it through a show. You get to be truly creative and let your imagination just go with it.

It was also a great rehearsal because I felt things beginning to click. It's a hard feeling to describe, but sometimes you're rehearsing a scene or a show and some things just don't feel right. Then, with some minor changes, things start to feel right and click together to make a connection. I'm starting to get that feeling. We got to work little moments out and discover new aspects of the characters that we didn't even realize before. I love being able to do that. Sometimes stuff like that doesn't happen until you get into the nitty gritty of dress rehearsals and final techs. It's nice to get this weeks before we open....which is actually in about 3. Eeek!

But, in all actuality, I'm not nervous about it at all. I think we're in a really great place right now. We will definitely be ready for an audience by first preview. I'm at the point where we are running the show, but I would love to get some other outside eyes to see and react. It's hard with a suedo comedy because it really can't take flight until you have an audience to work off of. I'm ready for it though!

Day 62

Big things are happening, my friends. Big, BIG, things.

We had a general APO meeting today, and everything went well. We started talking about ACTF and possibly doing more acting things. It got all these ideas starting to roll around in my head. I plan on running for president for next year, and I have a good shot of getting it. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but this is like the only acting "group" that we have at Tech that's not class-related. So, if I do get it, I plan on implementing a lot more acting related activities for us to do. I've realized, especially this year, that it's difficult to not get cast in the season at Tech. It's almost like a semi-death sentence, lol. But if we have more opportunities just through APO, it could create a really great environment to learn and get better. I have a lot of plans, and some I might scetch out on here first. I do have 5 followers now :) although one is a made up person, so I'm curious as to who it really is...and maybe I can buy him/her a drink! bahaha

On the other hand, we have a new organization starting up that I'm a part of. A friend of mine came up with the idea of a group that puts on original works in found theatre spaces. And it won't even be theatre all the time. The group encompasses film as well. It's a really great idea, and a lot more exciting than anything going on right now. Now that the Limelight is closing down, there's not really another place to do theatre that you wouldn't normally see in a theatre building. And I've talked on here about random ass theatre, like the NY Times article about the show that was performed in an actual street. Through this group, we could pull that off now! We just started, but it's taking off like a rocket! We have a ton of people interested in this, so hopefully things will actually get done.

If I can't find work on campus, I'll create opprotunities to get work. I'm a doer. Big things are happening here. Get excited :)

Day 61

Today was probably one of the most painful days I've had in a while. And also kinda awesome :)

I'm taking a musical stage dance class for my dance credit. And, going in, I don't think I realized how difficult it would be. We're learning the actually choreography to Broadway shows...which is awesome, but also really difficult for a level 1 class. We did a mock dance audition today in which she taught us a bit of the choreography to a West Side Story dance, and we learned the rest today. Then we had to get numbers and pretend like we were auditioning for her.

Now, let me add that I'm not a dancer in the least bit. I haven't taken legit classes. I can move pretty well, and I've done simple dances for musicals before. So this was a huge stretch for me. So we all go through the dance in small groups twice, and they did a callback. I actually got chosen for the callback. I'm not gonna lie, I was shocked as hell. I thought I did ok, but it's hard to tell when you're moving and have no idea what's going on. But I did make sure that I at least tried to embody a character and be "tough". So we had to dance again, and then they had another callback. I didn't make that one, but I wasn't disappointed. The fact that I actually made the first cut, without being a dancing person made me feel really good.

And some points from this that really hit home...I realized that enthusiasm and a willingness to make a fool of yourself can makeup for lack of dancing skills. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. I know I wasn't the best dancer, but I made sure I had a character and went balls to the wall, even if I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I made sure I was the loudest with vocals and tried to be the biggest in movement. I know there were people probably looking at me weird or making fun of me, but at this point I don't care. I lost my pride and dignity in theatre a long time ago...

I won't go into this, but I think you have to leave your dignity at the door and just make a complete ass of yourself. Make stupid decisions! Be big! Just be stupid!

Anyways, now I'm feeling the pain. My knees are blue and I can't walk without a little limp. The pain of dancing I guess. But I feel good about it. I think I'm improving a lot, and I hope we get more opportunities like this in the future.

Day 60

2 month mark! Whoooohoooo! Maybe I can eventually keep up with this and not have to do makeup posts. Just maybe...

In Principles today we talked about stuff that went on this weekend, mostly ACTF. Our professor made a remark about a quote someone said. I tried to find it online, but you try typing in "quote about theatre and manure"....but the basic gist of it was that we, as avid theatre goers, see a lot of shows. And because of this, we see a majority of awful shows, AKA "manure". The guy he quoted said that even though we see the bad shows a lot, we have to learn to appreciate the "manure".

Now, thinking more about it, I'm a little confused about the whole thing. I'll spread my thoughts out on here. There could be a lot of things that he's saying. One aspect I see is that we need to appreciate the bad theatre because it gives us a chance to see what is bad and appreciate the good a lot more. I guess it's the whole thought process of going through a traumatic experience, and when you pull through it you appreciate life and what it has to offer a lot more. I guess when I see a string of bad shows, it makes the next good show I see a lot better. And it makes me appreciate when good theatre does happen.

OR, he could be saying learn to see the good parts in even the worst of shows. It is usually extremely rare that there isn't at least one redeeming quality to a show. It could be the worst thing you've ever seen, but there could be an actor who does really well, or the set looks really cool. Maybe he's telling us to not be so pessimistic about every viewing experience. I wrote before about how I critique the hell out of every show I watch, even if I enjoyed it a lot. I'm a big negative nancy when it comes to stuff like that. I guess this would be the opposite of that. I know I need to be able to identify the good aspects of a show as well, because there has to be something.

I don't know. It's an interesting thought process.

Day 59

So back to the grind of rehearsals. Tonight was actually nice because we had a semi-audience. All the head tech people came to see a general gist of the show so they know where to go with their designs. Thankfully, RROAPS isn't that difficult to design. Costume wise it isn't that hard. Everything else can be pretty difficult, especially for our show since we move around a lot. I'm interested to see how the hanging will go. We keep doing it and I always worry that it'll look dumb. I'm just standing on the ground pretending like I'm being hung. I know it's stylized, and with the lights it will be better....at least I hope so.

We're at a new valley in our show. We're finally getting the scripts out of our hands and trying to go off-book. The first night is always rough. Acting kind of gets thrown out the window in order to remember lines and trying to move and talk at the same time. Funny how difficult that can become when you don't have the script telling you what to do. I'm usually pretty good with getting off-book. I don't find memorizing that difficult, so moving on to that in the rehearsal process is exciting. I'm ready to really be able to act and focus on all aspects of my performance. All the Luger stuff we just learned has been creeping into my head. I'm trying to work on the physicality of the character a lot. And period styles is finding a way into my character a lot too. My character is a princess after all, so I'm trying to think about all the status stuff we are learning and trying to apply it to the character. It's becoming very useful in what I can do onstage.

This is our first little bump in the road. After we get over the line thing, we should be growing a lot more and getting better. I'm excited. :)

Day 58

So, Day 2 of my excursion to the great city of Amarillo, TX for ACTF. Today we got to watch two shows instead of just one. First off we saw "Awake...and Sing!", which is surprisingly not a musical. It's a drama...set in the 30's....about a family and their dog Tootsie...yup. Well, the dog isn't that important (although for like 2 minutes they had a dog onstage, and during one of the most pivotal moments of the play, everyone in the audience was freaking out about the dog...not good). The show was not good. The script was so-so (not gonna lie, I'm not a big fan of dramas about the Depression) but it had potential. The acting was just very melodramatic and not real at all. One guy, who played the grandpa type character, was really really good, but everyone else was mediocre or bad. The set and lighting was cool, but it didn't mesh at all with the production. It's like they didn't even read the script; they just came up with a random design and tried to apply it to the show. I was disappointed that the show could be at the Kennedy Center, representing our region. It shouldn't, and hopefully it won't advance because I'm sure there were much better shows before we got there.

Then we took Day 2 of "The Lueger Method", and it was awesome because no one else from the day before showed up, so it was basically a mini-workshop for just our group. We started applying some of the things we learned into random improv movements. Something just clicked inside me when working on this. I seemed to just get it, and the instructor seemed very impressed. It wasn't anything momentous, just random movements and sounds, but I was able to just let go and let my body and voice just move. It felt great. I wish I could have stayed longer to apply everything we learned to actual text. I would love to try it on my own, but with some sort of mentor or instructor to lead us in the right direction, I think it would be very difficult.

The last show we got to see was "The Machinal". We just learned a little bit about this play in Theatre History on Tuesday, so I was super excited about it. I knew it was an Expressionistic play, so I warned everybody that it was going to be "different". I actually enjoyed it a lot. It was my favorite play out of the 3 that I saw. They relied heavily on music and spectacle, which totally worked with the show. The opening scene was brilliant and got me super stoked for the rest of the show. It kind of went downhill from there. They lost a lot of energy and now, looking back, some of it was very messy and uneven. They had a lot of great moments though, and I enjoyed how they modernized some bits of it. I would definitely love to act in it or even direct it some day. It was a great show.

That best sums up my trip to Amarillo. I absolutely loved the trip and am so glad I went, even if it was only for two days. I learned so much and got to see three shows I maybe would have never seen. I hope next year I'll be able to get even more people to go, or even get the department to excuse us so we don't have to "skip" class.

Day 57

Sooooo happy right now! I sort of took it upon myself to organize a trip to the American College Theatre Festival in Amarillo today and tomorrow. Usually only people who are competing get to attend, but I really wanted to go, so I got APO to get money and we're getting to go. It's a week long conference, but we're only going for two days because they wouldn't give us excused absences for our theatre classes to go to a regional theatre festival. BULLSHIT. But that is for a later date to discuss.

Only me and another girl got to come on Friday, but it was totally worth it. We got to watch an original production called "Parking Lot Babies". It's a very modern piece about this young guy just trying to get by and his tough, pot smoking, crazy girl friend. I really enjoyed the script, but I thought the acting was a little weak. They had a lot of funny pop culture references (for example, they went on this 5 minute tangent about Oregon Trail, which was hilarious). Overall it was ok, but I was impressed that their school let them do the show. I'm not saying Tech won't let us do mature shows, but they wouldn't even consider doing a show like this. Which is sad, because it really cuts off this branch of theatre that could attract a really different audience than we normally do. But anyways...

We also got to take two different workshops. One was a fight choreography workshop. We learned how to stage slap, punch, pull hair, and choke. I learned all that in an hour and a half! Then the second one was called "The Lueger Method". It's a two-day one, with the second day being tomorrow. Today focused on the basics with body movement and voice work. It was really interesting. I'm curious to see what tomorrow entails.

It's insane to think that Tech didn't really encourage us to go to this. I asked for permission for our group to go and get excused absences for at least our theatre classes, and was shot down. Why would they not encourage us to do this? I mean, my God, I learned all the basic fight moves that I will ever need to know...and I never learned any at Tech! I'm also getting this alternative acting method...I'm gaining so much experience from this one day that I might never get at Tech. Not only is this making me a better actor, but I will come back knowing more and that will only help the department. Why wouldn't the department want that? I just don't understand, and it's frustrating as hell.

Day 56

I watched the second half of this documentary about Bretch and Maryl Streep's production of Mother Courage. It looks incredible, and only reaffirms my love for this woman. Here's some snippets from the documentary:

Day 54

FINALLY caught up with everything. Last week was a crazy whirlwind of busyness, but things are kind of slowing down again. So now that I'm officially caught up with everything...

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/assetid=df674667-721b-4991-9d12-0066cefb8696.html#ladies+sp+joannie+rochette

I watched this video today of a Canadian figure skater who's mother died two days before she had to perform her short program for the Olympics. She was tearing up while she was warming up, but when she got in the center to perform she pushed it all inside and smiled. She performed her routine, pretty much perfectly, and as soon as she finished she started crying. If I had been watching it alone, I would have cried too. It was just so raw and emotional and real. You could see the utter pain and anguish she was going through, but when it came time to perform, she hid it all for that performance. True professionalism.

I'm writing about this because I've been in a similar situation. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with death and a performance, but something very similar. I won't go into detail, but there was a portion of my life when I was dealing with everything I knew basically falling apart in front of me. I was depressed and self-destructive. Needless to say, it wasn't the best part of my life. But thankfully, I was in a show during that time. If I hadn't been...well, I don't know what would have happened, but it wouldn't have been good. But I had the show to focus on, and that helped a bit.

When it got time to perform, this amazing thing happened. I did my normal thing, acting and all that jazz, but when it got to the last scene (which is uber emotional) it wasn't acting anymore. In that last scene I didn't have my bag of tricks or my isms...it was all me, in all my glory. The last scene had to deal with my character realizing how alone she is and she has to force the person she loves to come back home with her. And every night we performed, during that scene I dropped all my guards and let my emotions out. It was the best and the worst thing that could have happened it me. I buried all of my pain and anguish deep inside, because I wanted to be professional for the performance. So, like any normal person, it would come up at random moments, unhealthily. But with that scene, I was given the chance to unleash those emotions and purge everything out on that stage because it fit with the scene and the character. I got the chance to deal with everything without having to talk to anyone or make it a big deal. It was emotional purging at its finest.

And the funny thing is, I thought I was the only one who knew this. I had only told three people in the cast, but as others found out, they later told me that when they first heard it, and every night after, they knew that it was all real. A little too real maybe, lol

But, to tie it all together, people have tragedies in their lives, especially at the most inopportune times. But, sometimes you just have to bury it all and smile. And I think performing is one of the best ways to deal with it, because it forces you to focus on something different, or in my case be given the opportunity to deal with it in a different way.

To quote Judy Garland "Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it's breaking. Although there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by."

Day 54

My character for RROAPS is developing. I'm starting to feel like Michelle is becoming a real character now and not just a caricature. It's been difficult because Michelle is almost three different "entities" for each different scene. The first scene, she plays the prostitute yet she is a cat ready to pounce on her prey. The second scene she plays warrior princess. Third scene she plays the princess falling apart. And all this happens within 20 pages. That's mighty difficult my friend!

But I think it's coming along. My biggest concern is trying to make Michelle real. I don't want her to be a stereotype of all these different things. I want her to be a real character that is going through a lot.

I feel confident with our progress though. We are already doing run-throughs of the show. We blocked the whole show last week and are pretty confident with what we have so far. As I have said before, I don't feel like I can truly act with a script in my hands, so next week will be interesting since we have to be off-book by then. But I'm hearing things from other plays in RROAPS, and they seem to be farther behind than we are. So I feel good about our spot. We are nowhere near ready, but we're slowly getting there.

Day 53

So "The Night of CATologues" actually happened!! Yesterday!!! It was such a crazy whirl of an experience. We met 3 hours before the performance and basically created the whole show. There were 7 actors, including me, who participated. We did our monologue and then did little skits in between. It turned out really well! We had about 20 people come, including 3 older men who heard about it and drove from Plainview to see it. That's crazy!!!

It gets me on a different subject, but it's sad that there's not more theatre like this out here. Just random, experimental type theatre. yeah, we've got your plays at the regular theatre, but what about a different type of theatre? Like a place for original works or a performance of cat monologues? Now that Limelight is disappearing, I'm scared about what that means for Lubbock. We'll always have LCT and Tech and other theatres in the area to produce plays, but I don't want that to be the only theatre offered for Lubbock. I want all types of theatre and performance art to be available. I don't know where you can do it now without worrying about censorship.

I wish there could be that theatre safe haven again. Where you can try and perform almost anything and not worry about the consequences. I'm worried we won't find a place like that here ever again.

Day 52

So, yesterday, in between rehearsals and performance for "24-Hour Play Festival", I got to perform at the Underwood Center Gala. It's a crazy random happenstance how that got to be, but, long story short, the guy who directed "Children of a Lesser God", which was a show I did in October, won this highly honored art award. The gala was celebrating him, another group who won the award, and the anniversary of the center. His wife asked me and the male lead in the show to perform little bits from the show as a surprise for him. It was a great honor to do it for him and a lot of up there artsy people in Lubbock.

But, it was so weird doing it. It's weird going back to a role that you've basically drained out of you. I haven't looked or thought about that part since we closed the show, so to go back to that character was quite an experience. When I was putting on the costume I wore during the run of the show, I thought "Wow....this is eerie!" And not only was going back to the role weird, but just remembering who I was then too. It's only been 4 months, but sooo much has changed for me, personally and professionally. I was a different person back then, even though it was just a short time ago. I could never capture the performance I gave for that show, because I could never recreate who I was at that moment. It was interesting to think about me then and now. I've changed, but so much for the better. You can't help but learn from all your experiences, and evolve from there.

I think this role is one of the few roles I would love to be able to play again. But not now. I would love to do it, like, 10 years from now. I'll be such a better actor then, and my portrayal would be so different. I think it'd be an interesting experience for me.

Day 51

It's days like today that remind me why I love theatre.

Today was the "24-Hour Play Festival" at Tech. It only comes once a year, and even though I was busy, I decided that I had so much fun last year, I wanted to get the chance to do it again. So I'm going to write about my experience with it, and give a little info about the process of it all. This will be a long blog, to make up for all the short ones, but it'll be worth it.

The night before, 7 playwrights met at 8pm and were given props and two cast members each and told to write a ten-minute play. They stayed up all night writing their plays and finished around 7 am. Then they met with 7 directors and discussed their ideas for the play. Then we, the actors, showed up at 8am Saturday morning and the day began.

For me, I found out my cast and playwright early on, as in that Friday night. I was super excited! Then that morning I found out that I was in the one drama out of 7 comedies. And I thought...DAMNIT! lol No one wants to be in the drama. You want to be in a high energy comedy since you only get 10 hour to rehearse it. You want it to be fun! So I was a little peeved at the fact. So we go into rehearsals for the show, and we read it once and I thought "Ok, I this is interesting." Then we read it again out loud and I thought "Ok...ok, this is good. I can make this work." It was then that I had to adjust my expectations for the day. This was going to be an in-depth drama acting exercise. I wasn't going to goof around and be silly. I was going to get psychological and philosophical. As soon as I adjusted, that's where everything started.

It became this really great acting experience. We had to drive into these characters and break down each scene and find our motivation and wants/needs. I never did anything like it before. I won't go into detail, because it was a general rehearsal process, but it was fantastic. We got about 8 hours of rehearsal time, then I had to head over to a gala to perform a bit from "Children of a Lesser God", but that's for a different blog.

I got back to the theatre around 8:15, and the show started at 8pm. Each show got the chance to perform in front of a packed audience. I rushed in and got into my homeless garb. I wanted a full out costume because even if we didn't have dirty makeup, I wanted people to look at me and think that I could legitimately be homeless. So we're about to go on, and we start setting up the stage for our show. As soon as I walk out onstage I hear some giggles from the audience. I could only assume people were thinking, "Oh God, Christina is dressed like a hobo...I wonder what crazy show they're doing."

And oh boy, were they in for a surprise!

We performed and it was...magical. By no means was it a perfect show, but for me, it felt fantastic. I actually got emotional during the performance, and I had a gross wipe away snot moment haha. But I was totally into it and feeling it. After the whole show, I had a couple of people come up to me and tell me that they teared up or cried after watching our show, which makes me feel incredible. Not only did I feel that emotion and portray it to an audience, I made them feel something deep from it. And our playwright was all raves about the show, which is all you can ask for. In all honesty, every show was fantastic. They all turned out so well. I think this night of theatre is one of the best performances I've seen in Lubbock since I've been here. It was that entertaining.

Afterward, I think everyone, including me, felt so rejuvenated. Everyone had a fantastic night. And for me, it only reminded me why I do what I do. The feeling you get after a night like that...there is just no comparison. I felt so accomplished and my artistic side felt complete again.

I'm glad for these moments. I just want to save them for those days where I question why I chose theatre as my profession. I wish I had more days like this, but when they come around I appreciate them even more since they are so scarce.

Day 50

Funny video about Moliere...and coughing up BLOOD!

Day 49

So next year's season was posted, which surprised the hell out of me because last year it didn't happen until after Spring Break. They didn't eve tell us they were going to announce it. So it just randomly appeared on the callboard today and shocked everyone. And, guess what??? No one's suggestions were in the season! Surprise Surprise! Thumbs down Tech, thumbs down.

The shows are a mixture of really awesome and "WTF???" shows. "Equus" would definitely be a WTF show. It's our classical play for the year, but everyone heard that it would be a Shakespeare show, so this one is quite a shocker. And the fact that there is nudity involved makes it even more interesting. I'm not sure how the general West Texas audience is going to react the full-frontal nudity, or if they'll even keep it in the show. We're also doing "Footloose" for our musical, which disappoints me a lot. When I think of "Footloose" I think of Kevin Bacon and horrible high school productions. We could have done so many other awesome musicals! Urinetown? Reefer Madness? [title of show]? Batboy? But let's do the 80's version of "Grease" that every big high school has done at least twice. Just disappointing.

Now, on the other hand, we're doing "Anton in Showbusiness" which is a 6 female only comedy. Three of those roles play multiple characters. This is my kind of show. This is the one show next year that I am going to work on to make. I will be really disappointed in myself if I don't.

I'm very anxious to see the lab season too. I feel like I really only have a legitimate shot at one mainstage show, maybe 2, so the lab shows are my only other chances. One of the shows I heard that might be considered would be super fun, so i hope that it gets chosen. It probably won't because it's kind of racy, but we'll see. I'm already ready for next year.

Day 48

I sometimes wonder where the line exists between keeping yourself involved and over committing yourself.

I am the master at walking along this line, as are a lot of people I know in the theatre world. It's very very rare that good actors aren't in multiple projects of varying degrees at one time. There's that mentality that good actors are always working in some sense, and I find that to be true a lot of the time. But I sometimes wonder how much is too much? Is there a point when you have to turn projects down because it would be too much to handle?

Last semester I almost lost balance on that line. I did waaaaay too many projects without a break, and I almost lost my mind. But I learned things from each project I was involved with, so I don't regret being involved with it. This semester is slowly turning into that again, except this time I'm doing other projects that don't really involve acting. I'm taking a more activities organizer role, especially with APO. I've started all these little projects that take as much work, if not more, than actually acting in a show. And me, being the perfectionist I am, has to finish everything that I start. So now I'm juggling a classes, a show, a film-like thing, APO, these activities, and a semi-social life. I'll have some moments where I just stop and ask myself why am I doing all this?

I know I need to say no sometimes, but I love this theatre thing too damn much. And I want to share my ideas and be involved as much as possible. Over-committing is part of the territory with theatre, and I'm not the only one who is in the situation. At least there are others who understand the stress and can sympathize.

Day 47

Being a prostitute is hard work.

We worked on blocking the first scene for the show in which I'm basically seducing this guy. There's a lot of movement, and kissing, and caressing, and smooth moves....it's just tiring. At the end of the rehearsal I was exhausted. I can't imagine what prostitutes must feel like when they have to do that as their job, lol

Blocking this scene also made me realize how utterly clumsy and awkward I am. I've gotten better than I was when I first started playing the whore roles. Experience helps you with that haha. But I'm still just not a sexy person. Every time I try to be sexy I feel like I'm just being a goof. I almost see myself as someone like Carol Burnett trying to be sexy. It just comes off as funny. My mind just tells me "Do this!" and it comes off as comedy more than seduction. It's all really a mindset though. I don't see myself as sexy in real life, so it doesn't translate to the stage at all.

I also started wondering what I'm going to wear for the show. Like, how does a prostitute who is really an alien warrior princess dress? And I have to take some clothes off, which I'm used to doing that on stage, but I'm not sure how everyone will react to that. The Tech audience is used to seeing dudes take off clothes, but not really women. I'm used to taking off clothes on stage now, which is a funny thing to say. Limelight prepared me for that. After you've been naked or partially naked onstage, nothing else really phases you. 10 page monologue? I can do it! You want me to juggle and breathe fire out of my nose? Pshaw! I've been in my skivvies in front of hundreds of people...I can tackle anything now!

Day 46

Well, first rehearsal of the show is over with, and I still feel good. We got an updated version of the script and got the chance to read through it. I didn't realize how layered the show was. I read the semi-first version of it, and I guess I just focused on the comedy so much. There are some really great dramatic moments stuck in there too. This excites me a lot because I love getting the chance to work in a tragicomedy. At Tech I think (and partially know) that I'm pigeon-holed as a comedic actress. All the roles I've had or been considered for at Tech have been comedic. I haven't gotten the chance to do a dramatic role. That's why I love doing shows off campus because they don't know me as well, so they are more likely to give me a shot at a drama. I can do both, I promise you! But this show gives me the chance to do both, and I'm super excited about that! Maybe it'll show some people that I am capable of doing both.

On another note, let me just say how much I despise read-throughs. Not because of the actual act of reading through a script, because I think it's necessary for a cast together and actually hear the script read for the first time by the cast. I just don't like myself and read-throughs. I'm an avid believer that true acting doesn't happen until the script is out of your hands. Everything else is just laying a foundation for character and slowly building up to the point where you can act. A script is like a security blanket that holds you back from reaching that next level. So, while I like to hear the script read for the first time, I feel utterly useless saying these words without action or movement to go along with it. I don't feel motivation to say the lines except just to read it out loud. And I worry sometimes that people judge me by my read throughs and wonder why I'm even there. I don't let it get to me, but I just assume that happens.

I'm just not good at read-throughs. It's something I need to work on.

Day 45

I'm ready to get back into the swing of things of a show. This is the first time in a year and a half that I've had this long of a break in between shows. I've always jumped from one show to another immediately, or with like a 1 or 2 week break. But, I really think I need this break. I've been going 100 mph for a while now, so to just have the time to breathe and enjoy staying home at night and actually having time for homework is refreshing.

But now I'm ready to go back to show-mode. I miss the rehearsal process, and how frustrating and fulfilling it is all at the same time. I'm really looking forward to this play, too. I've always had issues with one-acts. Every one-act that I've been in has had some fatal flaw to it. I usually get the shitty role, or sometimes I'll get a decent one but the direction or script is wonky. I just have a hate-hate relationship with one acts. But I'm cautiously optimistic about this one. I have a great role in a great script with a great director and great cast. All signs are pointing to yes. But we haven't started yet, so all of that could change. But right now I'm excited about this new show. We'll see how it goes, but I'm looking forward to it.

"In no time we should have the most exciting theatre in the world.” - Robert Edmond Jones

Day 44

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/07/28/theater/20090728_NIGHT_SLIDESHOW_index.html?scp=97&sq=theater&st=m

Another geeky, NY Times article moment. I found this slideshow randomly while I was just surfing the site. It's about this show that was basically staged in the middle of a street. The audience members were in their cars and were given headphones or a radio station to be able to listen to what the actors were saying. How amazingly awesome is that???

I've been milling around the idea of doing something like that for a while now. Last summer, when I thought that I was going to be in Midland for the break, I thought about doing an outdoor show. My idea was to do "A Zoo Story" in an actual park. I love the idea of placing shows in the place that they are really set. I would kill to do "Midsummer Night's Dream" in a park with a bunch of trees and bushes and stuff. Or the Norman Conquests with "Round and Round the Garden" in a garden. I just would love to do a different type of theatrical experience for the theatre going audience. Maybe that's why I'm so into doing the whole Catalogue thing. I want to do something un-ordinary.

Maybe my senior year I can take on a project like that. I think I'm a fairly good director, but of course still learning. Doing something like this would be very interesting and different. I may put this in the back of my mind for a while until I have some time to do it.

“We have art to save ourselves from the truth.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Day 43

I went to see the lab show tonight. I'm not going to critique it, because like I said before, I'm not going to "bad-mouth" actors, even if it could be helpful. But I'll talk about the whole idea of working with a new show.

I've had the lucky opportunity to work with a lot of new scripts. 7 to be exact. Which is really awesome. It is a blessing and a curse when getting to work with a new script. It's awesome because you get to create a role in its purest form. No one has touched it! You get to go in whatever direction you want to. And you set the standard for that part. Anybody that performs that role after you is just following in your footsteps, no matter how different they make the role. It's an amazing feeling to know. On the other hand, there's a lot of freedom that sometimes becomes overwhelming. There have been a couple of times where I hit a roadblock because I didn't know which direction to go with my character. There are so many possibilities and it gets to you sometimes.

I enjoy working with original scripts a lot. A lot more than doing classical plays, that's for sure. I suggest that every actor should work with an original script at least once in their career, and I think that if you are serious about acting you'll probably work on these projects more than once. It's a good acting experience.

"Love the art in yourself, not yourself in the art"- Stanislavski

Day 42

Another interesting Theatre History conversation we had in class on Thursday. We started getting into Realism and Modernsim, and then we started discussing Stanislavski and his acting method. Our professor told us that this was pretty much the first time the acting method was written out and is the basis for modern acting today. It's interesting because our school is Stanislavski based. We are getting a little bit of Meisner, but good ole Stan is the main focus at this school. It was interesting to read his book last year for my previous princples II class. There's a lot of his info that is almost common sense stuff that you do while acting and don't even realize it. Then there's a lot of stuff, like how we basically have to re-learn how to do everything on a stage to make it natural. That's true though, because there are so many times that doing something like, eating a cookie can turn into a full out production when you're doing it in a show.

I enjoy The Method. If I had to categorize myself as a specific type of actor, it would be Method. I don't like to limit myself to that though. I really want to learn all the different styles. I like to take things that really work for me and use them, so I don't necessarily label myself as one specific style. We really don't get the chance to learn other styles,, which I think is a detriment to us in the long-run. I would give anything to just do a week with Viewpoints, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the method, I just want to branch out sometimes.

"As the purpose of comedy is to correct the vices of men, I see no reason why anyone should be exempt." -Moliere

Day 41

I'm not much of a classical theatre person. I haven't read or seen a lot of those types of plays, so I don't have any attachment to that type of theatre. I finally got the chance to read "The Miser" by Moliere and completely fell in love. I didn't realize how funny his plays are, or at least this one. There is the master/servant relationships within the play that make for a lot of funny scenes. Servants that try and rise up to surpass the master, and masters that are timid or just plain dumb. There's almost a vaudeville type style to this play. It could be very over-the-top and crazy at some moments. Almost a broad comedy, which I adore.

One thing I don't like, which is the case with a lot of classical plays, is the lack of female characters, or at least female characters with substance. When dealing with "The Miser", if you ask me what part I would like to play, I would probably list at least 3 male roles before saying any of the female characters. They are just so boring compared to all the guys in the show. It almost seems like they're just there for decoration, or to be idolized by the lead male character. This is why I don't suggest classical plays for the university to do, because for every one female character there are at least 3 male characters. I would love to watch, but I don't want to have to audition and almost dumb down the acting a little bit. But don't get me wrong, I'm not lessening the female roles. There still is a lot of acting involved, but not as complex as a lot of modern female roles today.

So, to conclude, thumbs up for Moliere, thumbs down for lack of good female roles, and thumbs up for theatre in general. Huzzah.

Huh, what a crazy random happenstance!

Day 40

I auditioned for Lubbock Moonlight Musicals tonight. I wasn't sure if I was going to or not. It's a little scary deciding what your summer could possibly be in early February. But I thought this would be a great shot at something that I really don't get to do anymore.

I used to consider myself a musical person. All through high school I did a couple of musicals at the community theatre. And I got really good parts. Then I got into college and that wasn't the case. I was a little shocked at first, but now I realize my limitations. I'm not a great singer. I can carry a tune and sell a song, but I'm never going to be on Broadway (for a musical, anyways :) ). I've really missed that part of my theatre/acting career. Musicals are what really brought me into considering theatre as my life quest. And, if you haven't already figured out, I am a musical junkie. I always wish that I could be in these musicals that I love so dearly. But I've accepted that I won't at the college level because I just don't have the singing chops to make it.

However, I do plan on being Miss Hannigan before I die. I don't care who I have to sleep with or kill, I will play that role eventually!

But anyways, I digress. The audition went very well. I sang my little heart out with my character actress song. They mentioned that I have a really impressive resume, which I think I do and I'm very proud of. And they talked about how they liked me in some of my previous work I've done at Tech and in the community. It pays to be crazy and do 50 bajillion shows at once because it only takes one for them to see and remember you.

Crazy random happenstance moment: The director asked me where I am originally from and what high school I went to. I told him and he replied "You don't remember me, do you?" I said no, and he proceeded to mention that he remembered me at Lee when they brought a performance series with a couple of opera singers who performed at the Lee auditorium. Then it hit me! I don't necessarily remember him, but I remember helping out with that. We got a full day off of school and got to help set up and watch the opera singers perform. The fact that he remembered that after six years is crazy random! Especially now that I have bangs! lol

So, crossing my fingers for some good results. I'm not expecting a lead of any kind. I would be extremely happy just to make it as an ensemble character. I'd just like to try something new for the summer. I want to be in a happy musical again!

Cause some days I think I'm dying, but I'm really only trying to get through...

Day 39

KL;DJF;AKJFAKDSFNCSINJMDLAKFDAK;FJKD;NFAKDJCNAKDFANFCJK!

That can best describe how my day went in Principles II today.

I don't normally get so frustrated in class, and if I do it's usually at myself. But today I just got so peeved. I don't know what it was.

Well, yes I do. I feel like I'm going to be "that bitchy girl" in class now. We're still doing the character scenes and after they are done the class gets to critique them. And all everybody is saying is good things. This was good, that was great, I liked this moment. There are only a few other critiques. And so, I want to help them out. They aren't going to learn anything from people telling them how good they were when there are things that didn't work. So I'm chiming in with negative critiques. Stuff that I saw that didn't work or didn't feel right. And so now I feel like I'm a bitch because I'm the only one that's saying anything bad!

But at the same time, I don't feel like a bitch. I have their best interest at heart. If I was a real bitch, I would just say mean things for the hell of it. I'm not. I'm giving them legitimate critiques that will help them out. Things that they may not have even noticed. I guess I'm frustrated because I came from another principles II class that wasn't afraid to be negative. If there was something that didn't work, someone would bring it up and we could discuss it. I guess I took that for granted. I guess it might be because about 85% of the class are freshmen or new students. Or maybe I'm just expecting too much out of them. I don't know.

I just want that mentality back. I want to be in a classroom environment where we can be completely honest with each other and learn and grow from that. If I suck, I want somebody to tell me that I suck. It may it me hard, but it would be a lot worse to not hear it and go through life thinking everything is fine. If you are going to do this acting thing for real, you are going to hear that and much worse from the outside world. If you can't take it, then find a new profession. I can take it. I want to hear it if it's true. BE HONEST!!!

I just want to grow as an actor, is that too much to ask???