Day 88

So, Summer Rep has come and gone...again, lol. I'm officially done, and I thought that I would get to take a small but much needed theatre break until the beginning of the school year.

I should have known that it would never happen.

I was asked to be in another show. An actress had to drop out, so I am being put in her place. It's a farce. Check. Directed by a grad student with a good reputation. Check. Also in the cast are fellow Techians who are extremely talented. Check! So, needless to say it took me two seconds to say yes. I was flattered that he thought of me. I guess I'm getting my name out there, slowly but surely. The only bad thing about it is that the performance space is about 3o minutes out of town, but hey, if I get the chance to be a good character in another show, I'll deal with it!

So, I have been anxiously awaiting my first rehearsal. I thought I might be drained from summer rep, but really, knowing i'm about to do another show has given me a boost of energy. It gives me the umph to go through my math class or the grind of finding a job. It's like my little treat to myself at the end of the day.

I'm very excited about the experience. I'm going in with high expectations, so here's hoping it goes well!

Day 87

Frustration. It happens a lot in this field, for one reason or another. And I find that I have been feeling this way for a good while now. Not just for one specific reason, but for a lot of little reasons that are piling up and making me want to pull my ears off. Acting, and the theatre world in general, is a frustrating thing. It's such a detailed and extensive process to go through. The amount of time that goes into everything would astound even the more well-rounded of men. We rehearse, we build the set, we memorize lines, we work on physicality, we help with lights, we sew the costumes, we pull props, we go through technicals and dress rehearsals and sneak peaks and finally a week worth of performances for an audience. The process of putting a show together is long and tedious. Sometimes it works out for the best, and sometimes it's a miserable failure.

Right now, I feel like I need to take a break from it all. Nothing immensely long, but just some time to myself where I don't have to think about it. I'm worried I'm getting strung out on it. And these past few weeks haven't helped a lot either. This Summer Rep has been wearing down on me. The people have been great, but the show (singular) has been tearing me apart. I'm downright frustrated with it. I feel like it's the same song, different verse as last year, but the part isn't worth all this frustration. It's hard having no help and trying to make a one-dimensional character into something worthwhile. Experiences like this make me want to just quit. But I won't. I never will, as much as I say that I want to. But it's still frustrating.

Day 86

Last LUTAF one-acts update!

Finally: Missionary in the Dark!

I had the great privilege of acting in a lot of the one-acts we performed that weekend. But, what originally got me involved in the whole thing was being asked to direct one of the shows, which was a farce called "Missionary in the Dark." I heard farce and was automatically drawn in. I love directing scenes/shows that I would love to be in, and I adore farces, so before I even read the script I knew I was going to do it. Thankfully, the script was hilarious and I didn't have to worry about having to say no. Thus began my work as a first-time director.

Now, I say first-time director, but that's really partially true. I directed a cut-down version of "Greater Tuna" my junior year of high school for a night of one-acts, and I have also done two directing scenes for class. So, I have had experience directing, but this is my first big girl show. I had to direct a one-act, with props, costumes, and a set, all by myself. It was a little daunting to think about at first, but I felt confidant that I had had enough training to accomplish what I wanted to. I wish I would have written blogs during the process, because I find it very interesting. I'm still working on finding my voice as a director, and trying to differentiate my actor mentality from my director mentality. I don't think it's bad to be aware of both, but since I'm still new to the whole directing thing, I would rather have that side in the majority for most of the time.

It's funny when you are trained as an actor but are thrown into the director's chair. You notice a whole new side to acting and actors in general. It's a very scary process because you put your two cents in and drive how the show looks, but most of the work has to come from the actors. You have to have a lot of trust in who you cast. Casting is also a new process I'm trying to get used to. Thankfully, with the directing experience I've had, I haven't had a problem finding the perfect people for what I'm working on. Being on the other side of casting also gives me perspective about the whole audition process. There were some actors who had great monologues or who were funny as hell when they were reading for a certain part, but I couldn't cast them because they didn't have the look what I was going for. It gives me a little silver lining thinking that (hopefully) that's happened in my situation when I don't get cast in a show.

Directing was a fun experience, but also stressful as hell. I remember I had to give my actors a week off because of Curtains technicals, and our first rehearsals back was a downer. They weren't offbook completely, they kept forgetting blocking, and they would break character during the run. Not only that, it was the night before we were starting technicals in the space. I remember sitting there and thinking "Oh dear Lord, there's nothing that I can do!" I had to give them a speech to pep them up and hopefully inspire them to get their shit together. Thankfully, it all came together.

There is no explaining the feeling you get when you watch your show go up in front of an audience, and the audience loves it. The best way to describe it is if the show was your baby walking for the first time. I was so proud of my actors, and the show as a whole. I was also proud of myself for being able to accomplish what I had hoped for, and then some. I know directing will be in my future (probably sooner than I would like), but I know I will enjoy it as well. I will always be an actor at heart, but directing has it's fun qualities too.

Day 85

Back to the grind of LUTAF updates.

Next up: Constellation Minuet!

This was the one show I was involved with that I was the most skeptical about in the very beginning stages. It was one of the two dramas involved in the whole one-acts, and all I knew about it was that it involved a balloon. I also knew that it was written by the same playwright who wrote a show I was in back in the day of my first RROAPS, so I was curious to see how it would turn out. Little did I know how great of an experience it would be.

The show consists of two female characters, one a little girl and the other an older woman. The first 2/3rds of the show is just monologues given by the characters. The little girl is beaten by someone, and is fighting to stay optimistic about the world around her. She finds a friend in a red balloon floating on the beach. She tells the balloon her wishes and desires about life and who she hopes to become. Then there is the older woman, who is beaten by what life has given to her. She was just dumped by the love of her life, and the rest of it is crashing down around her. She tries to go back to when she was ignorant and happy, which is brought on by seeing the balloon again after a long absence. She can't get over everything that has happened, so she attempts to destroy that one constant in her life (the balloon) until she runs into the little girl. At the end of the play, they both find a sort of acceptance with the life they have, and possibly a new hope for what things could be.

That's one crazy show! It took a good while for me to fully grasp everything that is going on during the show and with my character, the older woman. There are so many layers to the role, and everything she says has a double meaning. It definitely was one of the more challenging roles that I have had to date. Trying to materialize some of the images and feelings that I felt was an uphill battle. But thankfully, our director was perfect for this show. He knew what questions to ask and what to analyze deeper in the script. It's such a watercolor show, and it could have gone sour and Lifetime movie of the week, but I think me and my other actress did it justice.

One aspect of the show that is interesting, or at least I found interesting, is that I am so similar to the Woman, it's scary. Not really at the moment that I was portraying her, but there was one moment in my life, fairly recently, where I was at that exact place. I was happily ignorant in my life, and then my world was shattered with a breakup. After that, everything seemed to be falling apart. I was in a such a dark place, but thankfully I got out of it. For the role, I had to go back to that time and sort of open a lot of scars that had healed (if not completely). It was a strange myriad of emotions, and it wasn't a fun time going through everything at the very beginning. I had to learn how to harness certain emotions and when to use it and when not to. I finally got control, thankfully, in time for the performances. I think it turned out very well. I'm always saying how grateful I am when I get a chance to do a dramatic role, because a lot of people want to pigeon-hole me into comedy. While I like both, it feels good to show people Hey! I can do this too!

Day 84

I'm taking a break from the updates and writing about the opening night of the show I'm currently working on.

The BFG!

This is my first children show to be involved in. I've did shows for children actors, but never one that was tailored specifically for a children audience. I never realized how much work it entails. I don't play a huge role in the show, but I only have about a 2 minute break between two scenes at the beginning, and (minus intermission) I'm constantly onstage or running to change costumes. It's such a short show, so you don't get much rest time inbetween scenes before you have to end up back onstage. And the time you are onstage, you are at about 110% energy. I'm not saying that you don't have that energy during a regular show, but for a children show it's almost a different kind of energy. You have to be constantly moving around, interacting with the audience, and doing funny things with your voice to keep the kids entertained. I don't think I've ever been so tired after a show, and it's only an hour and 15 minutes! Geez

But, I've loved working on this show so much. I've written before how I love going over the top with acting, the bigger the characters the better. I actually got a note for my maid character to go bigger, which is awesome! It's very close to a caricature, but not quite. I don't count it as that because it's the world of a children's show, so everyone has big movements and acting. I feel like it's almost vaudeville because each character has their own shtick.

We've got one show down, like 123232 more to go. Not really, but the first audience really seemed to enjoy it, so hopefully the rest will go as well.

Day 83

LUTAF part deux!

Show: Stageplay

When we first had auditions for LUTAF, this was the one show I was hoping to be in. I read it in its first draft and watched as it developed into the final product. Which I guess it helps that the playwright was my roommate at the time. But I was worried because there are only two characters and we had quite a few people audition. And not only was it based on acting style, but also who you partnered well with. So, I was ecstatic that I was cast and able to work on such a fun and different project.

The show was basically an homage to Beckett's "Waiting for Godot". There were two "actors" sitting onstage who thought that they were watching a play, which was the audience. It was very philosophical, dealing with what makes theatre what it is, what qualifies as good theatre, and the whole idea of these two characters living in their world, which in the end turns out to be an imaginary play. I loved the fact that I had the chance to just sit and stare into the faces of the audience. It broke the 4th wall to the extreme, and I got a lot of different reactions from them. Some people would look away and feel super uncomfortable, others would break out into a smile and just laugh, and then there were a few who wouldn't react. They just sat and stared right back at you. Those audience members were probably my favorite because I got to stare them down and really look deep inside them. People always say that the eyes are the gates to the soul, and I felt that during the show. You can tell what sort of mood a person is in just by staring at them. And it's such a deep and personal moment, I appreciated that some people were willing to be connected to me like that. It was nice.

And it was also a lot of fun being the straight man in a comedy. I've always done comedies as crazy characters, and not necessarily "trying", but aiming to get the audience to laugh by doing kooky shit. But for this show, the characters were so invested in their lives and the world they lived in, they took everything seriously. It was extremely deadpan and serious, and I've never got to be in a comedy like that. I quite enjoyed it. Sometimes things are 10x more funny when you say it with a straight face. And the writing really shines through when you don't have to pull out your bag of tricks to get a laugh. It's just you, the script, and the audience. Pure comedy.

Finally, my favorite part of the show was the ending. It ends with the two characters realizing that they are the play, finding the script, and realizing the show is about to end in a blackout, with them disappearing, and in a sense "dying". It's such a dark but poignant end, saying a lot about death, and really how characters in a play pretty much "die" when the lights fade out and the curtain closes. When the playwright was writing a final draft, he took out the ending and put in a new one. I, along with the director, had a major freak out! We told him it was the best part of the show and to stick with his initial instinct about it. It was a really great acting moment too, going from explaining what happens at the end of a play, realizing that means the characters are going to disappear forever, trying to console the other character, and watching as the lights fade out and pretty much accepting death. It was such a powerful moment, and a great way to end the show. Very Beckett-esq.

Day 82

Update even more: LUTAF!

So, when looking back at my previous posts, I realized that I haven't even talked about LUTAF, which has been one of the biggest theatre things to happen to me this year. I have one post about a friend of mine coming up with the idea, but nothing more developing it. And my, oh my, has it developed.

It kind of grew into this huge thing. When this friend talked to me about this idea for a theatre group that he had, I was all on board. It grew and grew and more and more people were interested in it. Finally, it was decided that we would do a night of original one-act plays ala RROAPS. Thus, Lubbock Underground Theatre and Film was born.

I was involved in 4 of the 5 shows that were put up in production for the night of one-acts,. I figure I can dedicate a blog post to each one. So, in no particular order (yes it is actually, in the order of the plays during the show) here it goes.

First off: "Last Spot in Heaven"

This was the show in which I had the smallest role in, but I probably had the most fun with. It was a game show for the last spot in heaven, and I played one of the contestants trying to win it. Sounds simple enough. But one of the aspects of the show that I loved was that me, and the other two contestants, were placed in the audience at the beginning of the show. Everyone in the audience was given a number, and St. Peter drew numbers for the contestants. So, for 15 minutes before the show even started, we had to be in character and able to improv. I had a blast being the goody two-shoes and messing with people. Some of my favorite moments were when people I knew that were in the audience would mess with me. This one couple kept asking me question after question and messing with me to the max. It kept me on my toes and I got to work on not breaking character. I loved it.

The show itself was fun. I was only involved in the first couple of scenes, but I had a ball doing it. And I got to wear a t-shirt that said "Jan's the Man", who wouldn't love that?

Day 81

You may have realized, this is not Day 81. It's probably more likely day 100 and something. I feel terrible that this kind of died. After I came back from NYC, life got superdeduper hectic. This is one of the things that I had to stop for a while in order to have enough time for everything. I'm sorry that I had to abandon it.

BUT, I am back. It is summer, and while I am busy still, I have a lot more free time to catch up. And funny enough, I've had random people come up to me and ask me about this. Random people. But it's awesome. If they can find things I say funny or relatable, that's pretty cool. So, I'll go back in my life to what happened between NYC and now. I won't do all of it now, but just a small piece at a time.

First off: RROAPS!

After Spring Break, we had our performances for RROAPS. It was crazy because we jumped right into it after the break. I actually enjoyed having the break, not just because of NYC, but because coming back after not thinking about it gives you some clarity on your character. You are constantly in rehearsals, and after a while things feel sort of stale after repeating it over and over. Coming back gave me a new jolt that I needed.

I am so proud of the show that we put on. I can't tell you how many people came up to me and told me the show was their favorite in RROAPS. I knew having the best director, best play/playwright, and best cast would pay off. The audience loved it every night. My favorite audience reaction was when there was a little girl in the audience. I didn't realize this until the end of the first scene when I'm in my bra and stabbing Baxter to death. There's a blackout and you hear "HAHAHA, that was funny!" I about died going backstage to change. It's moments like that make me love comedy. I have also gotten to the point where I can recognize certain people's laughs. I know I have one of those laughs because I laugh at everything. But recognizing the laugh during the show just fuels me.

My acting class talked about all the shows for a bit, and when they got on ours they had nothing but good things to say. What some of the students said, and even what the playwright told me, was that I was so comfortable in my skin. Which is weird, because I'm the total opposite in real life. But for some reason when I'm onstage I just lose all my inhibitions. I know I don't look like a model, but if I have a role like that, by God i will believe that I am 6'2'' and gorgeous. Maybe it's the sense that I'm not myself and I can be whatever I am not. Onstage I can be beautiful, successful, and happy without a second thought. it's one of the reason that I love the stage.

And it's funny when we were taking pictures for the show, I just took my shirt off and was just walking around. People were surprised that I was so comfortable taking my clothes off. I did worse in Phallus Pan, and I won't get into the whole nudity onstage thing now, but I'm all for it, lol.

This year's experience with RROAPS totally trumps last year's (and it makes up for it). It's totally a crap shoot when working with one-acts. This year it just seemed to work out. Hopefully next year will be as successful.