Day 92

So, not have a computer sucks, because I can't update as much as I would like to. BUT, some pretty big events have been happening in my life. I'll write more about "The Foreigner" tomorrow, but for the big news...

I GOT MOTHERFUCKING CAST!

Yes, you heard, or read, me right. I, the girl who couldn't get cast at Tech a year ago has now been cast in not 1, but 2 shows! I've seriously have been mind fucked at this very moment.

I still think I'm going to wake up tomorrow and someone will call me and say they made a mistake. It doesn't seem real. I knew going in that I had very strong audition pieces, and after callbacks I felt fairly confident, but there were so many people who read well at all of the callbacks. Even after "Anton in Showbusiness" callbacks, I felt like I failed majorly and didn't have a shot. When I found out yesterday that I got 2 shows, I just started bawling. Like, flat out, snot out of the nose, ugly bawling. I was so overwhelmed. I've been so used to getting "No's" all last year, I prepared myself for the same thing this time around. I don't know how it happened, but things just worked out in my favor. I just can't get over how happy and blessed I feel. I don't think anyone will know. And I'm surprised by all the support I've gotten over the past two days. So many people have told me how proud they were and happy and how I deserved it. I don't think I "deserve" it perse. I've worked my ass off trying to improv over last year. I don't think I deserve anything, but I'm glad that the directors have noticed my improvements and given me a shot. But it's nice to have friends and even just aqaintences support me.

Now, the scary part starts. Actually going through rehearsals, technicals performances for two shows without a true break. I've done it before, but never with Tech. I'm hoping I can juggle that on top of everything else I have going on. But I'm more than willing to do it. I'm just glad they gave me this chance. I hope I can do both roles justice in the end.

Day 91

So....got cast in "The Foreigner"! Huzzah!

It's nice to be in a show again. And it was one of those auditions where you know you nailed it. And walking out when it was over, I just knew. Just that gut feeling. But I'm super excited! The part I got I probably would never get outside of the community theatre relmn. Technically it's an ingenue with attitude. I never get igenues. Like...ever, lol. So this will definitely be an interesting experience. We've already started rehearsals for a little over a week now, and they've been going very well. Everythings been going pretty smoothly and we're almost done blocking the whole show! Now the fun part can begin...actually building a character. I love to get blocking done as quickly as possible so I can learn my lines and then start from ground zero (not the NYC version however).

I've got one bitch of a monologue though. And I'm sitting THE ENTIRE TIME. Do you know how hard it is to talk and talk and talk just sitting there. I went through it the first time the other day, and I wanted to stab myself in the eye. I kept moving around in my chair and changing positions, while all the while, in my head I was screaming I WANT TO STAND UP DAMNIT! But, it doesn't make sense in the context of the scene, so I sit. Now, I've been given monologues of death before. What comes to mind...in "Cabin Fever" I had to give the "I'm talking to the audience like Andy Griffin to tell the meaning of the show" which about killed me. Then there was "We Won't Pay!" where I gave a humongo monologue about the backstory of what was going on. This is no new thing to me. But sitting...the whole time...gah, it's hard. I've started memorizing my other lines and skipping over that scene. I just have to tackle it. I'm so angsty about it because I'm afraid that it will be boring. I don't want my monologue to be the time everyone checks their phones. It's important to my character because she basically opens up for the first time to show she's not a complete bitch.

I dunno. It means a lot to me for this one. I want to really nail it. But, more updates as the show progresses. Tally ho!

Day 90

So, quite a bit has happened since my last update. Time to catch up!

Well, the show that I was so excited about "Boeing Boeing" had to be shut down. Officially, there was going to be a broadway-esq touring cast, so they wouldn't give us the rights to perform it. Unofficially, there were a lot of issues already. Since it's summer, it's hard to get people to commit and work around schedules since summer is our only free time to do anything. And we kept having to replace people and try and find people with about only 1/3 of the usual available people here. And there were more little things adding up to fight us, so it seemed like the theatre gods didn't want this show to go on. Which makes me sad because it was such a great experience, even with the little time we had to work together. The script was great and I really enjoyed the director and fellow actors. The director said he might try and produce it next summer, which I would love to do, but I'm not sure what my plans are yet.

So, I haven't been doing and theatre-y things all summer. It's been odd, especially compared to last summer where I just didn't stop lol. I've enjoyed the break. I've been watching a lot of movies lately, and it's nice to be able to just sit there and watch without some other motive. And while I would much rather be in rehearsals, getting to rest is sometimes nice too. Now I have the next few weeks, which will decide my Fall semester, at least to a certain extent. Tonight I have auditions for "The Foreigner" at the community theatre. I worked out the scheduling, and if I happen to get cast in the first two shows at Tech (which ain't gonna happen) I can do both, with some minor conflicts. Tech fall auditions are coming up at the end of the month, and I have a lot of mixed emotions. For one I am petrified, because going a whole year without getting cast kinda puts you on edge for some reason...who would have thought it, right? Secondly, I guess you can describe it as having the opposite effect of a huge ego. I've had so much rejection in the past year, I've gotten used to it, lol. But this is the first of my last two auditions at Tech. All the directors have seen what I've got to offer them. I've done as much as I can in the classroom and outside at other theatres to prove that I am a viable actor. Don't gt me wrong, I'm confident in my abilities, but I know so much goes into casting that I could give the best audition of my life and it doesn't mean shit. Doesn't mean I won't try, just means I won't die if I don't get anything.

Thirdly, I think, I'm excited. Very. I love auditions, as much as I hate them of course. I love the ignorance you get whenever you audition. Blissful ignorance. You think you can make it, that you can be any part, and that you'll get cast in everything! Not to that crazy extent, but you are on top of the world until that cast list comes out. I love that feeling. And no matter how hard you try, you can't force it to go away. You try to go in with low expectations because it means you fall less when you don't get it. I've tried, many a time, but I can't help it. Even when I know I won't get it, I still have hope. Damn the optimist in me.

So, the season of auditions has approached us! I've got one last shot before I move away. I'm going to try and make the most of it. And if I don't get cast in anything, I'll write my own one-woman show and perform it in the free speech area. Suck on that!

Day 89

So, while this blog may not be a blog a day for 365 days straight anymore, I plan on making it through the end of my senior year at Tech. Hopefully that will work out to be 365 days. It would be cool if it did.

So, starting rehearsals for the show. It's been a lot of fun thus far. Th thing I love about farces that, with the right director, you get the chance just to play onstage. I love experimenting with comedy and what a character might do in certain situations. It keeps you on your toes when you go through it because you might have an idea for a certain moment, but when you actually get in it and react to the different characters and their actions, it could change completely. It's a really nice rush. I always say that I'm not amazing at improv, but when it comes to improv in a scene, I love doing it.

But, in a kind of sick way, I love the moments that fail. I really can't explain why I like it, but I think it's just as awesome as the moments that hit. When I fail, I fail big, or at least try to. And I guess those moments make you appreciate when something actually does work. And it gives me a sense of what is funny and what isn't. You can't get it right all the time, so it's always a learning process.

Day 88

So, Summer Rep has come and gone...again, lol. I'm officially done, and I thought that I would get to take a small but much needed theatre break until the beginning of the school year.

I should have known that it would never happen.

I was asked to be in another show. An actress had to drop out, so I am being put in her place. It's a farce. Check. Directed by a grad student with a good reputation. Check. Also in the cast are fellow Techians who are extremely talented. Check! So, needless to say it took me two seconds to say yes. I was flattered that he thought of me. I guess I'm getting my name out there, slowly but surely. The only bad thing about it is that the performance space is about 3o minutes out of town, but hey, if I get the chance to be a good character in another show, I'll deal with it!

So, I have been anxiously awaiting my first rehearsal. I thought I might be drained from summer rep, but really, knowing i'm about to do another show has given me a boost of energy. It gives me the umph to go through my math class or the grind of finding a job. It's like my little treat to myself at the end of the day.

I'm very excited about the experience. I'm going in with high expectations, so here's hoping it goes well!

Day 87

Frustration. It happens a lot in this field, for one reason or another. And I find that I have been feeling this way for a good while now. Not just for one specific reason, but for a lot of little reasons that are piling up and making me want to pull my ears off. Acting, and the theatre world in general, is a frustrating thing. It's such a detailed and extensive process to go through. The amount of time that goes into everything would astound even the more well-rounded of men. We rehearse, we build the set, we memorize lines, we work on physicality, we help with lights, we sew the costumes, we pull props, we go through technicals and dress rehearsals and sneak peaks and finally a week worth of performances for an audience. The process of putting a show together is long and tedious. Sometimes it works out for the best, and sometimes it's a miserable failure.

Right now, I feel like I need to take a break from it all. Nothing immensely long, but just some time to myself where I don't have to think about it. I'm worried I'm getting strung out on it. And these past few weeks haven't helped a lot either. This Summer Rep has been wearing down on me. The people have been great, but the show (singular) has been tearing me apart. I'm downright frustrated with it. I feel like it's the same song, different verse as last year, but the part isn't worth all this frustration. It's hard having no help and trying to make a one-dimensional character into something worthwhile. Experiences like this make me want to just quit. But I won't. I never will, as much as I say that I want to. But it's still frustrating.

Day 86

Last LUTAF one-acts update!

Finally: Missionary in the Dark!

I had the great privilege of acting in a lot of the one-acts we performed that weekend. But, what originally got me involved in the whole thing was being asked to direct one of the shows, which was a farce called "Missionary in the Dark." I heard farce and was automatically drawn in. I love directing scenes/shows that I would love to be in, and I adore farces, so before I even read the script I knew I was going to do it. Thankfully, the script was hilarious and I didn't have to worry about having to say no. Thus began my work as a first-time director.

Now, I say first-time director, but that's really partially true. I directed a cut-down version of "Greater Tuna" my junior year of high school for a night of one-acts, and I have also done two directing scenes for class. So, I have had experience directing, but this is my first big girl show. I had to direct a one-act, with props, costumes, and a set, all by myself. It was a little daunting to think about at first, but I felt confidant that I had had enough training to accomplish what I wanted to. I wish I would have written blogs during the process, because I find it very interesting. I'm still working on finding my voice as a director, and trying to differentiate my actor mentality from my director mentality. I don't think it's bad to be aware of both, but since I'm still new to the whole directing thing, I would rather have that side in the majority for most of the time.

It's funny when you are trained as an actor but are thrown into the director's chair. You notice a whole new side to acting and actors in general. It's a very scary process because you put your two cents in and drive how the show looks, but most of the work has to come from the actors. You have to have a lot of trust in who you cast. Casting is also a new process I'm trying to get used to. Thankfully, with the directing experience I've had, I haven't had a problem finding the perfect people for what I'm working on. Being on the other side of casting also gives me perspective about the whole audition process. There were some actors who had great monologues or who were funny as hell when they were reading for a certain part, but I couldn't cast them because they didn't have the look what I was going for. It gives me a little silver lining thinking that (hopefully) that's happened in my situation when I don't get cast in a show.

Directing was a fun experience, but also stressful as hell. I remember I had to give my actors a week off because of Curtains technicals, and our first rehearsals back was a downer. They weren't offbook completely, they kept forgetting blocking, and they would break character during the run. Not only that, it was the night before we were starting technicals in the space. I remember sitting there and thinking "Oh dear Lord, there's nothing that I can do!" I had to give them a speech to pep them up and hopefully inspire them to get their shit together. Thankfully, it all came together.

There is no explaining the feeling you get when you watch your show go up in front of an audience, and the audience loves it. The best way to describe it is if the show was your baby walking for the first time. I was so proud of my actors, and the show as a whole. I was also proud of myself for being able to accomplish what I had hoped for, and then some. I know directing will be in my future (probably sooner than I would like), but I know I will enjoy it as well. I will always be an actor at heart, but directing has it's fun qualities too.